Walking
to Uni one day, the words of Alan Hull’s Winter
Song resonated with me:
"When
winter's shadowy fingers
First pursue you down the street
And your boots no longer lie
About the cold around your feet,
Do you spare a thought for summer whose passage is complete?"
First pursue you down the street
And your boots no longer lie
About the cold around your feet,
Do you spare a thought for summer whose passage is complete?"
Having
come through what will be remembered as one of the greatest sporting summers
ever, I thought to myself: what have I learnt? It turns out I've learnt a fair
amount.
1.
I can't feel any emotion without a BBC video montage.
2.
Mod sideburns are the 21st century's version of the go-faster stripe.
3.
If it looks like a man, walks like a man and talks like a man it's probably a Belorussian
female shot putter on drugs.
4.
No matter how much England fans lower their expectations, the England football
team will always disappoint.
5.
Now team GB took Australia to the cleaners in the medal table and we staged a better
Olympics than the Antipodeans, the only thing Australia is better at than Britain
is summer itself.
6.
However, to get two decent weeks of weather in the worst summer in 100 years,
it was fully worth the seven years of hard work, negative headlines and the £9bn
spent.
7.
Graeme Smith is to England Cricket captains what a studs up knee-high tackle
is
to a pro footballer: ugly, effective and career ending.
8.
Playing a sport in Britain that relies on sunny weather is as good an idea as a
chocolate teapot or visual jokes on the radio.
9.
According to the western terrace at Headingley, where I spent two days this
summer watching Test cricket, all people from Lancashire are inbred, have three
arms/eyes, are homosexual, and their mothers are seemingly very promiscuous.
10.
I would not take my grandmother to the Western Terrace.
11.
According to Yorkshiremen I sound like I am Australian. I was then told to
"f*** off out of our country". I know Yorkshire wants to be an Independent
Republic but the last time I looked Surrey and Yorkshire are still both in
Britain.
12.
Kevin Pietersen is a nasty piece of work... Sorry everyone already knew that.
12.
Handball is an incredible sport, horse dancing however is another kettle of
fish entirely.
13.
The British public will love any sportsman who cries, whether in victory or
defeat, even they are a bad tempered Scottish tennis player.
14.
The Dutch ladies hockey team are by far my favourite international hockey team,
purely based on their level of technical excellence of course...
15.
Due to the number of times "Chariots of Fire" was played at London
2012, Vangelis is probably the richest man in Greece.
16.
I am now probably going to be sued by LOCOG for using "London 2012"
without their permission.
17.
Random Olympic events are the best daytime TV ever, even better than Jeremy
Kyle and Heir Hunters.
18.
Danny Boyle deserves a knighthood for the opening ceremony. It's certainly a
good effort to offend nearly every other nation in the world in one way or
another in less than four hours.
19.
Despite being a buffoon, Boris Johnson is still a better politician than dancer.
20.
It is possible that a German side can lose to a British side on penalties, as
long as that British side is owned by a Russian Oligarch, contains seven overseas
players in the starting line-up and is managed by an Italian.
21.
The Ryder Cup is the only exception to Mark Twain’s assertion that “Golf is a
good walk ruined”. It also proves that if pride not money is on the line,
Europe can work together.
