Lessons Learnt from this Summer of Sport

 Walking to Uni one day, the words of Alan Hull’s Winter Song resonated with me:

"When winter's shadowy fingers
First pursue you down the street
And your boots no longer lie
About the cold around your feet,
Do you spare a thought for summer whose passage is complete?"

Having come through what will be remembered as one of the greatest sporting summers ever, I thought to myself: what have I learnt? It turns out I've learnt a fair amount.

1. I can't feel any emotion without a BBC video montage.

2. Mod sideburns are the 21st century's version of the go-faster stripe.

3. If it looks like a man, walks like a man and talks like a man it's probably a Belorussian female shot putter on drugs.

4. No matter how much England fans lower their expectations, the England football team will always disappoint.

5. Now team GB took Australia to the cleaners in the medal table and we staged a better Olympics than the Antipodeans, the only thing Australia is better at than Britain is summer itself.

6. However, to get two decent weeks of weather in the worst summer in 100 years, it was fully worth the seven years of hard work, negative headlines and the £9bn spent.

7. Graeme Smith is to England Cricket captains what a studs up knee-high tackle

is to a pro footballer: ugly, effective and career ending.

8. Playing a sport in Britain that relies on sunny weather is as good an idea as a chocolate teapot or visual jokes on the radio.

9. According to the western terrace at Headingley, where I spent two days this summer watching Test cricket, all people from Lancashire are inbred, have three arms/eyes, are homosexual, and their mothers are seemingly very promiscuous.

10. I would not take my grandmother to the Western Terrace.

11. According to Yorkshiremen I sound like I am Australian. I was then told to "f*** off out of our country". I know Yorkshire wants to be an Independent Republic but the last time I looked Surrey and Yorkshire are still both in Britain.

12. Kevin Pietersen is a nasty piece of work... Sorry everyone already knew that.

12. Handball is an incredible sport, horse dancing however is another kettle of fish entirely.

13. The British public will love any sportsman who cries, whether in victory or defeat, even they are a bad tempered Scottish tennis player.

14. The Dutch ladies hockey team are by far my favourite international hockey team, purely based on their level of technical excellence of course...

15. Due to the number of times "Chariots of Fire" was played at London 2012, Vangelis is probably the richest man in Greece.

16. I am now probably going to be sued by LOCOG for using "London 2012" without their permission.

17. Random Olympic events are the best daytime TV ever, even better than Jeremy Kyle and Heir Hunters.

18. Danny Boyle deserves a knighthood for the opening ceremony. It's certainly a good effort to offend nearly every other nation in the world in one way or another in less than four hours.

19. Despite being a buffoon, Boris Johnson is still a better politician than dancer.

20. It is possible that a German side can lose to a British side on penalties, as long as that British side is owned by a Russian Oligarch, contains seven overseas players in the starting line-up and is managed by an Italian.

21. The Ryder Cup is the only exception to Mark Twain’s assertion that “Golf is a good walk ruined”. It also proves that if pride not money is on the line, Europe can work together.

England vs Pakistan Series Preview: Can England dominate on a different continent?

This series is undoubtedly England’s toughest series in the last two years: an England side minus Bresnan and one injury away from Bopara playing against an in-form Pakistan side finally united under their captain, Misbah ul-Haq.

The UAE is unknown territory for England. Pakistan only have the experience of the series against Sri Lanka in recent times of playing in the Middle East, but their side seems to lend itself more to the style of cricket to win in these conditions.

Misbah was recently quoted as saying that “It is hard to take wickets [here] but it is also hard to score runs”. Pakistan have enough of a varied attack and, unlike England, have more options. Mohammed Hafeez has greatly improved as a batsman and is a more than handy third spinner. In Ajmal, Pakistan have the most in-form spinner. Unlike Swann, he has a doosra and supposedly a “new” delivery which he has saved for England. Swann also recently struggled in India, albeit in ODI not tests, but he had an average summer, disguised by the incredible summer the seamers had. Furthermore, in Rehman, they have a spinner who is able, like Herath in the SA-Sri Lanka series, to keep the run-rate down, allowing the other bowlers to attack.

The Pakistani seamers also have the advantage as they are all quick and reliable reverse-swingers of the ball. Moreover, they have the advantage of being able to play a left-armer, in either Junaid Khan and Wahab Riaz.

The banning of Asif and Amir, which initially weakened their side, has given Pakistan an advantage that the majority of their attack has not been seen at close quarters by the English top order. Although Ajmal and Junaid Khan did play county cricket, the England top order were not available at the time. Gul did make the last tour, as did Riaz. Cheema is the most unknown quantity. He has an awkward action, causing the ball to angle across the left-handers, which may cause problems for Cook and especially Strauss.

Thankfully, there is a glimmer of hope. England are the number one side in the world and have, apologies for the cliché, a “culture of winning”. Moreover, they have the more positive captain in Strauss, something that hasn’t been said of him before. England’s batting line-up has been in good form, apart from Morgan. However, the conditions will suit Morgan, England’s best player of spin. Morgan also has a reasonable record against them, which includes both a ODI and test hundred in the blighted series of 2010. They also bat deeper into the order than Pakistan, with Swann coming in at 8 if six batsmen are played, which is surely the case.

England’s bowling attack also showed that it could adapt to different conditions in their performance in Australia. Although Bresnan has left, Finn was very impressive in India. He bowled accurately and regularly bowled at over 90mph. He may also cause a problem for the Pakistani batsmen due to his height. Anderson and Broad will also get some reverse-swing, but England will be more reliant on the new ball than Pakistan.

Although England are the number-one test side in the world, Pakistan do hold the edge for this series. A four-man bowling attack will truly be put to the test in un-bowler friendly conditions. Spin will play a major part; Swann vs Ajmal, Rehman and Hafeez may even decide the series if the pitches are dusty. England do have a stronger batting line-up, but their lack of bowling variety may hinder them. Misbah’s lack of positivity may well prevent Pakistan however. If England don’t lose the series, they firmly deserve their number one ranking.

My Prediction: 1-1.